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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

A close companion of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I experience secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She makes video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I spend helping her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an audience. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I hope Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: observing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the work we make together can achieve: an opening. I understand not all people enjoys being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private videographer, but friends support one another in small ways. My assumption was recording a clip here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend film you. I understand that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the uncertain future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She needs to honor her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some real memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their friendship?